Once it hits midnight, I would have finally gone 1 day without shedding a tear. I feel almost anhedonic. I make it a conscious effort to not space out and start lamenting.
It actually really starts to feel sore at some point. It actually really starts to hurt, physically.
I've been pondering to myself, how it's gonna be like when I step into my home for the first time after a semester here in Melbourne. And I can feel it right now, how it'd feel then. Scant amount of welcome. Weak Hellos. Crooked smiles. A gaping hole that is the absence of a particular sight and sound that was always present every single damn time I walked in through those doors for the past 10 years. The pain the emptiness will cause will be ineffable.
Maybe if he could hear my heart pining for him, he'd stay. Maybe if I bought more fish sticks, he'd stay. Maybe if my maid never left, he'd stay. Maybe if I never left, he'd stay.
Great. So much for going a day without shedding a tear.
